Thank you so much all for your answers and trying to sort thru my mess.
I have to say I do agree with all what is being said, and we have tried over the years to implement hard work, respect, contentment...but it's been so hard with just the both of us that we just let a lot of things go by. It's hard to explain, and may be hard to understand (sounds like a bunch of excuses) for those who don't go thru it, but really lack of support / family, lack of money, lack of sleep and mom working at home part time, with kids constantly around (I am talking about 630am to 9pm EVERY day, ....) .well, it just makes it extremely challenging to keep your sanity and keep on homeschooling happily while enjoying your kids.
Anna, thank you for breaking down one big issue into just one. It does help and doesn't seem as such a big obstacle suddenly.
1-I am trying to get time for myself, but it's just is not happening. My burning out is mainly that I have the kids with me ALL the time and that I have been sleep deprived for so many years. I took time off work, that we couldn't afford, but I figured it's either that or we end up with a big hospital bill....It was the best decision I've made in years and don't regret it one bit, even if we are struggling now trying to make ends meet. I figure God will provide if He deem we need it.
2- I agree with you that PS would not be an answer, because of all the problems it might bring, I think I am hoping for a break from the kids and see PS as the only way to get it (I know , sad...) I do feel like they need a break from me too, they need other adults to pour into their life, and again, in our circumstances, we dont see many options beside PS (again, sad)
3-Kids are not asking to be entertain all the time, I probably am not really objective on that. They do a great job at playing alone, reading, coloring....they can do that for hours actually, but we can only ask them to do this for so long, they still need to be with us and be discipled, and that's when we fail to be able to balance this with 4 kids.
4-Money we just don't make a whole lot, we have no debt actually, beside house. we just don't have any extra money. Nothing that we could cut off to gain some, really, no cable, cell phone, membership of any kind, we 'eat out' once every blue moon.
5-Free activities: I have tried to extend invitation in the past, and people always have plans already or family they eat with regularly, so it's just not happening. I think they see how desperate I am and they get scared
We started to go to a new church, so we'll see what happens there. We did Awana when we had less kids, but now with 4, it's getting pricy.
Sis: HM is homeschool, sorry, should have write HS. I'm not familiar with all the abbreviation on forums. We did a lot of life skills in the past, but again, they seem to want to see something else. My oldest used to get cooking books from library and fix food, but she has stopped, I'm not sure what she is into now actually as she seems to go thru puberty big time and has a very teen attitude. She did try to have a pet business, but never got any clients
we will try again for this summer and pray that it works better this time. They also did a garage sale of all the stuff we don't want anymore. Keep on doing it actually until they sell it all.
If you have any job idea for 13 , 9 and 7 yo, I would love to hear it.
Lisa: it's always nice to know that we are not alone, thru the hs group we have, it seems like all the moms have it all together, makes me feel like I just am not fit for this, and that I am destroying my kids
where are you in Central TX, we are not far.
Thank you all again for reading me and for your encouragements, it helps so much. We are still deciding what to do in all areas mentioned, so please a quick prayer would be greatly appreciated