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 Post subject: home school to high school advice
PostPosted: Sun Sep 11, 2016 3:08 pm 
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Joined: Sun Sep 11, 2016 2:17 pm
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Hi, I read articles on home school kids who want to go to public school and I am wondering if anyone could advise us on a situation we are having to deal with right now. If this is the wrong place to ask for this advice, please let me know where I can go to ask these questions.

My sons wanted to enroll in public school and were accepted into a special music program. They wanted to enroll in public school so they could ‘grow as people,’ they said, and because they do not want to say they graduated from home school or online school and they think that getting into university would be easier if they graduate from public school. They are seventeen-year-old identical twins.

First of all, my kids were split up in the public school. They have never been split up in anything. They seem okay with that however, we did ask the school to not split them up because we want them to have a consistent educational experience, with both having good teachers. In our home school, I was the teacher and ensured that both of them learned all material thoroughly. If I could not teach it (calculus!) we went to fabulous tutors. In addition, they help each other when they are together. Right now, one of my kid’s math teachers has given hundreds of review problems during the past week. My other kid’s teacher has given ten questions a day, and in class they are put in groups to talk about math instead. So I think one of my kids has a huge head start on math. They do not want to work together on math or anything now.

Secondly, one of my kids did not get the course he wanted and needs to graduate: English. He wants to apply to universities this fall and universities would want to see English on the transcript when final decisions are made but the course will not be there. It has been a week and the school has not changed his schedule. Both of my kids are in physics, which they have already taken, and do not want to retake and are waiting to drop. In the meantime, they have to attend class and spend time on physics homework, which they have already done in past years at home.

Thirdly, the school has given my kids free periods at different times, which makes it inconvenient for us. If they both had a spare first thing in the morning, they could sleep in. Or, if they both had a spare at the end of the day, they could both leave early. There is no busing at this school so I drive them 20 minutes each way.

Fourthly, the conductor of the orchestra has decided that one of my kids is a virtuoso and the other is not. One of my sons is concertmaster and the other has been placed randomly in the middle of the orchestra. This has been extremely confusing for all of us and has driven us all up the wall. Both of my sons are excellent musicians; they have been in about five orchestras and have performed in dozens of festivals and have taken a dozen music exams and they always have been at the same level.

Fifthly, because they are wiped out at the end of the day, my sons have no time to study for the SAT and practice music as much as before. They both scored 99% on the PSAT and got 1470/1600 on a Kahn Academy SAT test this summer.

Sixthly, now that one of my sons is the leader of the orchestra, he has instant friends in the hallways, while my other son is ignored. I wonder if the other students in school think something is wrong with him because of the conductor’s decision. He says it does not matter, and he does not want to bother trying to make friends any more but I am really bothered by it. He also does not want to go with the orchestra for a weekend camp experience. We have spent our lives making sure both sons are treated fairly and that one is not superior or dominant, so that they both can just do their best. Unfortunately, my one son, who is the concertmaster has become spiteful toward his brother, saying hurtful comments, criticizing his appearance and behaviors. We have considered having them talk with the conductor but we really do not know what reaction we would get. The conductor could take away the opportunity for my one son and then he would be unhappy, or the conductor could promise to give my other son the same opportunity later in the year, but will he change his mind by then? What about the perception that my son faces now? University applications would not see that concertmaster experience for my other son because it will be too late.

The best thing about this public school experience is that my say that the material is easy for them and they know they would do well, even though is has only been a week and it has only been review work. So that makes me happy.

I would really appreciate any advice on what we should do next. If they both stay in public school, I foresee one son flourishing, getting more confident, arrogant, and overpowering his brother. I see the other son becoming more miserable, isolated and depressed. If we put one in school, then the other son will still feel like he is missing out. If we pull them both out of school, I am not sure what will happen. I want them both to be happy and both of them to continue with their music and do well in school.

Thank you,

Rachel


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 Post subject: Re: home school to high school advice
PostPosted: Sun Sep 11, 2016 4:40 pm 
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Joined: Sat Jun 30, 2012 6:58 pm
Posts: 5828
I can't give you much advice on the whole school issue... but I can advise a bit on your sons. I have identical boys also
They are 22 now. Your boys will have learn that life is not fair. As a mom I tried to keep things equal for my boys but life takes turns and twists we can't predict nor always prevent. My boys are also musical. They play guitar and are very good at it. They played in the church band for a while but one didn't click with the group as well as his brother did... ironically he is the better musician!
We struggled with it and it's so hard as a mom to sit back and allow the pieces to fall where they may.
For your sons the stakes are higher
.. college! However I think the son who isn't doing as well should be the one to speak to who he needs to address about this and his brother should stay out of it. By having them both speak up they are not learning to be individuals. They will not always be treated equal and they won't always be lumped together. Let them stand alone and stand up for themselves without "brother" always lurking in the background.
You are a great mom! I commend you for trying so hard on their behalf to help them through this adjustment.
It's healthy for them to learn to be individuals and not always part of a pair. It's better for them to learn this now instead of as full grown men.
My boys work at different jobs and they never mention to others that their brother is a twin! It was a bigger deal to me than to them.
My son that is more excluded from the pack is still learning how to make friends out of his brothers shadow.... It's so hard to watch him struggle but it's part of life. :(


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 Post subject: Re: home school to high school advice
PostPosted: Sat Sep 24, 2016 8:19 am 
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Joined: Fri Aug 12, 2016 8:24 pm
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I found that when my boys entered public school, you lose control totally. The school did not care what I wanted for my children etc. It is what it is. We were going through that with my grand daughter and took her out of school to home school this year. They sure will learn how to be flexible


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 Post subject: Re: home school to high school advice
PostPosted: Sat Sep 24, 2016 1:51 pm 
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Joined: Sat Jun 30, 2012 5:22 pm
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Welcome! Let me jump right in. :)

The boys are mistaken about a public school diploma being looked at as being better than a homeschool diploma. You could do some research on that specifically with the colleges of choice being asked about it. Seems the point is moot now.

For the missing English class, that is between the student and guidance counselor. He should definitely be talking to the counselor about that.

As to the inconvenience of the free periods, why not take them both in the first time? The 2nd student can go to the library or an open classroom and read or whatever. There's no reason to make two trips. Do neither of them drive?

These "boys" are nearly adults and they do need to step up and take these situations into their own hands. You have given them the choice of public school so you should, imho, back off. :) If i can be blunt .... it sounds like these boys are straining at the bit and wanting to make some of their own decisions. ?? Maybe you have held the reigns a bit snugly? Why have they never done things apart? They are not *Siamese* twins. They are individuals. It sounds like they are seniors? This is the perfect time to let them try their wings. Micro-managing their public schooling will only hurt them unless there is a real issue and, hopefully, they would ask for your help, or the help of another qualified adult, in that case.

Not trying to step on toes. I just want to lend some perspective.


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 Post subject: Re: home school to high school advice
PostPosted: Sat Sep 24, 2016 2:53 pm 
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Joined: Sat Jun 30, 2012 6:58 pm
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Yep.. No reason to not take them at the same time and then pick up at the same time. They can figure out what to do while they each wait. Nothing wrong with one arriving early and the other finishing early and both filling that waitng time themselves instead of mom driving them each seperately.


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 Post subject: Re: home school to high school advice
PostPosted: Sat Sep 24, 2016 3:05 pm 
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Joined: Sat Jun 30, 2012 6:58 pm
Posts: 5828
Another thought
... is the music their passion? Do they both have this or is it something that they are pressured into? I wonder about the one who doen't want to go to the camp. Why not allow him to miss it? Perhaps it's time for them to spread their individual wings and persue other interests if that is what they want. Competition is often because twins feel like they need to measure up to what the other is doing.. if they each have their own interests then that allows them each to have theirown thing to bring to the table instead of a feeling of having to be as good as each other in this one thing.
Also.. seperate interests leads to seperate sets of friends!

My twins are now attending different churches. One of my boys needs that seperation from his more popular brother or he will never find his own way... he has always been in his brother's shadow.... now as God moves him to the new church.. they want him to help form a band! So he will eventually be able to follow his passion and play for the church... something he wasn't able to persue at the other church.


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