Hi there, I'm new here! Something happened to me today that prompted me to seek out some support, which is how I ended up here.

I have a 4 1/2 year old who is currently finishing up his last year in a special needs preschool. He has high functioning autism and ADHD, and I'm planning to homeschool him, starting in the fall. Today was his annual meeting at school, in which his therapy team and special ed teacher gather together with my husband and I and discuss the progress he's made throughout the year, and what the plan is for the summer session and the following year. The first thing mentioned was his social delays. I asked a simple, related question regarding whether or not they felt he would need an aide to assist him during any homeschool groups we might choose to sign him up for. It was like a spark that ignited everyone in the room to start talking at once about why they feel we're making a huge mistake in homeschooling him. I felt so blindsided and attacked. I had no idea that people feel so strongly about this! I know that not everyone approves of homeschooling, but I could not believe the intensity that came from this group. They were making outrageous claims about how poorly he might do in life without being taught how to socialize in a supported inclusive school environment, and emphasizing that socialization is his biggest challenge at this point. I had to inform them that we're not planning to hole him up in our house, and that I don't think that they really understand what homeschooling is.

Thankfully they did apologize once they saw that I was starting to become defensive. One of them even specifically apologized for "berating" me, and admit that it was unprofessional of her - but it just doesn't erase the fact that it happened. I'm just feeling so negatively about the school system now. I was considering bringing my son up to the local elementary school for therapy services next year, but now I feel like I don't even want to involve them in any way. I have a couple of private options that will be good enough.

What was so unbelievable to me was that once we were able to move past their behavior, they were bringing up how distracted he is by the other children in the classroom, noise, sights, etc. They also could not disagree with me when I said that he would be picked on if I put him in school. They even added on their own that it would just get worse as the children get older. Additionally, they told me that he scored higher on the school readiness test than any other student that they have ever tested, which is part of the reason why he's having trouble socializing with his peers. So, we've got a child that they can clearly see does not function well in a classroom setting, would be picked on, and wouldn't even be doing the same schoolwork as the other children or be able to relate to them. Yet they just cannot see how this could be a good option for him.

I mean, it was really hard enough to arrive at the decision to homeschool. There was a lot of self doubt, research, prayer, etc. We have spent the last 2 months working on a sensory friendly school room that is completely free of distractions, and chose a curriculum that we could work with to meet his unique needs. It was a lot of work and consideration - and this was really the last thing I needed. To be regarded as if I have absolutely no idea what I'm doing, and like I'm potentially ruining my sons life.

I guess that this was my first real experience with this sort of thing, and I'm feeling pretty shocked, angry and discouraged. I did not ever anticipate this kind of blatant disrespect. I am starting to understand the need for a legal defense association though. If the preschool (which is private, but funded by the school district) is this pushy and bold, I cannot imagine what we will encounter when we transition out. I have every intention of just keeping them out of my business as much as possible going forward.

Anyway, thank you for listening. I just really needed to vent that in a place where I at least know that someone is going to hear what I'm saying. I don't know any other homeschool families, so I have no one to talk to about this with.

Welcome! (((Hugs))))

While I know some amazingly supportive professional teachers, and I come from a long line of professional teachers, I think what you encountered is more normal. Essentially, you're telling them that you're going with another "brand" of schooling, and their egos are wounded. It's rather like telling the folks who run McDonalds that you've decided Burger King makes a better burger and you'll be eating there from now on.

Come & chat with us each day - or whenever you can - and you'll have some encouragement & support in this endeavor : )

_________________
http://stuffedveggies.blogspot.com/

Anna has made a couple of good comparisons about brand loyalty. I was thinking they're more like a cult and you're trying to break out of it. LOL

I was very fortunate to have a small school that had learned to ENJOY supplementing classes and sports for homeschoolers rather than think public education was the ONLY way to go. A friend of mine has been dealing with your type of situation for a few years now, she even works part time at the school, and SHE got that reaction recently when the subject came up.

Remember that they believe strongly in their "religion" of education. They've been brainwashed and can't see beyond their own education.

This is one of the reasons I've refused to take my son (3 1/2) to the local preschool. He has been in speech and occupational therapy for 1 1/2 years and also has pretty severe ADHD. His therapists were pushing me to take him to the special needs preschool for him to develop better social skills and speech. They said they know I homeschool my other kids and I can still homeschool him, but he would benefit from being with a bunch of other kids. I didn't feel comfortable with it and saw no need to. I envisioned the scenario you are going through right now.

It has been several months since they last brought it up and I ignored it. His social skills and speech have skyrocketed, without me having to enroll him in preschool and deal with a bunch of nosy people thinking they know better than me. His speech therapist just told me yesterday, that he has turned a new chapter, a switch has flipped, and he's doing amazing. I guess he didn't need to go to school, after all?

BTW, I don't intend this to come across as condescending or like your son didn't benefit from the preschool. I'm just saying my reasoning for staying away from it and your experience solidifies that. I hope things go smoothly for you in the transition to taking him out of school and homeschooling him. I would get familiar with HSLDA, if you aren't already, in case the school tries to give you more of a hassle.

_________________
Mom to Christian (13), Saphira (10), Xavier (5), and Adrian (2).

One thing that really frustrates me about this whole issue is this: In the 70's it was common for "professionals" to blame parents, especially Mothers, for their children's autism. It was a very popular theory that a "cold" Mother created an autistic child. Now, they say they don't believe that - it's not enlightened. But they still ACT as if it were true. If you have an autistic child, we need to take them away from you (for most of the day, every day) so that they can be exposed to a "better environment."

Never mind the facts that 1) Autism is not the result of parenting and 2) there is NO evidence that public schooling methods HELP with autism - in fact, quite the contrary - the busy, loud environment can aggravate it.

Of course, much of this is also true of ADHD. WHY do they insist on acting as if they can provide a "cure" when they cannot?

_________________
http://stuffedveggies.blogspot.com/

Thanks, I didn't even think about it that way, but you're probably right. I think that possibly, homeschooling might also be less common than I realize. This isn't the first odd reaction that I've received. When I got a call from the special ed teacher from the elementary school a few weeks prior, I informed her that we didn't have anything to discuss as I was planning to homeschool. Her response was dead silence - to the point where it got sort of awkward. She was literally speechless! I was thinking something along the lines of "wow, she must live in some kind of a bubble" but now I'm starting to get the idea that maybe the idea of homeschooling really is honestly something that these people have never really thought about before.

Regardless, my sons teacher apologized again to my husband this morning and she also wrote me a pretty detailed note describing how sorry they are in a sincere effort to fix this. That helps a lot. At least they aren't acting like they were entitled to say the things that they said. I'm still feeling pretty crummy about the whole thing though.

Haha, yeah, I didn't anticipate any resistance from them. I naively expected them to support and encourage my decision. That's why I just jumped in and asked them for their advice. I actually thought they were there to help me with this! lol, lesson learned.

Oh I totally hear you. I have an 18 month old who's getting various therapy services at our house 5x per week right now, and I haven't been feeling very good about the idea of enrolling him in a preschool program. Things were different with my older boy because he was very out of control and unmanageable, so as bad as it sounds, I kind of had to get him out of the house during the day for the sake of my own sanity until he matured a bit. My younger son, however, is not like that at all. I have the opportunity to avoid the whole IEP headache with him, and I might just take it

Yes, exactly! Once we got past their need to advocate for public school, this same group of professionals went on to tell us all about how distracted and overwhelmed our son is by everything in his classroom. It is unbelievable to me that they would then conclude that a larger class with less support is the solution. I think that perhaps they do not actually understand autism very well. Maybe they think that he just needs to practice being in overwhelming environments, or that exposure will desensitize him over time. I honestly don't know what the theory is there, but it kind of makes me sad to think that the people who are in place to help children with autism seem to understand so little about it.

Homeschooling is actually pretty common in America - and is becoming more common every day.

http://www.topmastersineducation.com/homeschooled/

It shares the statistics for homeschooling - and how common and how tremendously successful it is. I think you'll find it tremendously helpful at this point.

To be fair to the public school teachers - the very nice, devout public school teacher who reviews our portfolio every year was hesitant at first by the idea of us homeschooling - BECAUSE - she teaches in a "challenging" city school and has seen one or two of her students pulled out of school to "homeschool" in dysfunctional families where she feared for the child's welfare.

Sometimes these public school teachers have seen it all, and have their guard up. It can take them a bit to adjust.

_________________
http://stuffedveggies.blogspot.com/