Hi everyone! I haven't posted in a very long time. I've just kind of been lurking and reading and enjoying your conversations.

But I have a problem for you ladies who have had raised children to adulthood and would be interested in your opinions.

My oldest son turns 20 today. Overall a good kid. Still living at home, pays rent, works (apprenticeship that doesn't pay a whole lot), goes to college. Never had any issues with drugs, alcohol, parties, crime, etc., but he tends to be rather self-centered and has been a difficult child to raise. He's still quite immature in many areas. Even so, as my first, he holds a special place in my heart.

As any mom would expect of a child 20 years old, my son is pulling away from the family and gradually doing his own thing. I recognize this as a normal progression in any young person's life but I didn't think it would be this painful and this hard.

While he continues to live at home, he seems to have no use for his parents and his family except when he gets into a bind of some sort. He has essentially "kicked us to the curb" and doesn't want counsel, guidance, advice of any kind. He doesn't participate in any family activities unless he's forced to, and then it's minimally.

This is his birthday weekend and he has spent every minute of it everywhere and with everyone else except us. He comes home at midnight every night and gets up the next morning and leaves almost without a word to anyone. Yesterday he left before 7am and, as of 6pm no one had heard a word from him. I finally texted him and got a somewhat satisfactory, but snarky, response.

He's addicted to his phone. Every waking minute of every day he has this thing in his hand, jabbing at the keypad. It makes me crazy.

Finally, he's got a girl that he's been seeing this summer that has him utterly wrapped around her little finger. Dh and I don't have a problem with the girl personally. Our concern is that she's of a VERY different religious faith than our family, that would not be compatible in a marriage at all. Yet, he's pursuing the relationship. It flies in the face of everything he's ever been taught about choosing a wife.

I'm having a lot of trouble separating what's normal vs. what's unacceptable. I don't want to be that mom who can't cut the apron strings, but he's not ready to move out on his own, even though I'd be OK with that. (We moved to a new house in March and he stayed in the old house for 2 mos. til his school semester was over and it was a TOTAL disaster on every level.) He's also not earning enough yet to support himself.

So, I'd like some input, please. Is having a kid who is trying to leave the nest supposed to be this painful? I'm not sure whether we should boot him out or give him more time. As far as the girlfriend is concerned, she's getting ready to leave for college and I'm hoping that will cool things off a bit, but who can tell? The more I gripe about that relationship, the more it will drive him to her.

Thoughts? (Be nice!)

Thanks,
Daisy