We had one incident at the swimming pool recently with some very rude and obnoxious older kids. They were in the deep end and ds went over to the deep end and started swimming close to where they were. He basically swam right into their little group. One of the kids yelled a couple times "Go to your mommy" in a mocking tone and said a couple of other things that weren't bad, but just in a very mocking tone and they were laughing. I was right there nearby helping dd swim. I waited for ds to come over and figured he would say something about the kids and I would tell him that they were mean, but he should have watched where he was going and not just swam right over to them.
When ds came over, he said all excited "Did you see? I swam over to those kids and they thought I was swimming good!"
The kid's mocking tones had gone completely over his head and he didn't even realize they were making fun of him. So I let it go, lol.
He had a couple of "spats" with neighborhood kids when we lived in Lockhart, but they weren't anything big and they weren't mean kids. They were all a little older than ds. Ds would get his feelings hurt or sometimes get physically hurt and walk inside crying, while the other kids were calling out that they were sorry. A few minutes later, ds would go back out and play. He's not the type that would come to me crying, he would go off on his own and cry and pout for a few minutes and then it would be over.
Dd has come to me a few times crying that her friends were being mean to her and I just comfort her while she cries and tell her she can go back and play or just play by herself for awhile. She can be a drama queen and sensitive and usually no one's really being mean to her, she is just bossy and sometimes she clashes with kids who won't put up with her bossiness. If she doesn't get her way, she decides they are being "mean" to her. I tell her that they're not being mean, she's being bossy and no one wants to play with someone who bosses them around all the time. Sometimes she needs to do what other people want to do. That usually shuts her up and she gets over it and goes back to playing. Or she just plays by herself for awhile. It's up to her. I just say, if you don't want to play with those kids or you think someone is being mean to you, then don't play with them. It's common sense.
The only time I think ds was a little mean was when he was out playing with some kids and one of the kid's older brother was mean to him and he ran into his house crying. Ds went over to the brother and said something like "Why is your brother being such a cry baby?" I told ds that it is mean to talk like that about someone even if they can't hear you. I reminded him that he does the same thing sometimes and how would he like it if someone made fun of him for it. I can't think of a time when he was actually mean to another kid, though. He's usually super nice. As someone who was bullied in middle school, I try to make sure my kids know that bullying for any reason is wrong. We read books on bullying and kids with disabilities, etc. and talk about how other kids can be mean to them, so they should be the ones to be nice to them and be their friend. We talk about how each person is unique and has value because they are created by and loved by God.
I tell them that there are mean people out there and the best thing to do is ignore them. When I was verbally bullied as a kid, I ignored the people and that kept it from escalating into a physical confrontation and by the end of the school year, one of the people apologized to me and said they were wrong. If someone tries to hurt them, they need to do whatever possible to protect themselves, but in general, mean kids don't deserve acknowledgment and just need to be ignored and that's what I tell my kids. Ignore them and use them as an example of how not to act. I say if someone doesn't want to play with you or says "you can't play with us" why would you want to play with someone like that anyways? Move on and play with someone else. Don't take it personally. Their feelings may be a little hurt for a moment, but I think if I don't make a big deal about it and make sure they know that the problem is not with them, but with the other kid, my kids will see that it isn't the end of the world and will move on.
Thankfully, we haven't had to deal with this much because of homeschooling. It would be worse if they attended school, I'm sure.
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